..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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