Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
"it" just moved
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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