she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
