alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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