my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
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