I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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