:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
