I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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