I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You pole danced in your parka.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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