I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
