Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
