As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
