you turned your livingroom into a bong?
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
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Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
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Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
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