i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
