You're completely useless in the revolution.
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Randomize
