I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
