This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
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