We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
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