Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
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