you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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