He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
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