At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
