I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
she gave me one of her senior pics and told me specifically to give it to you. In other words she still wants to suck your dick.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Randomize
