if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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