Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
