Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
