I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
