Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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