I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize