How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I drunkenly transformed into shehulk last night and lifted every single guy off the ground bc one guy told me that there was no way I was strong enough. Don't worry, I proved them wrong. Stupid stereotypical men.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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