he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Randomize
