Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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