I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
