the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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