i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
Randomize
