I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
