I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Randomize
