Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
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