You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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