summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
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