Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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