I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
