I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
