Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Randomize
