singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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