considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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