i don't like sucking hair
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
Randomize
