I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
