oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
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