I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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