literally had 100 drinks last night.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
