I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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