toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Randomize
