My boss' voice literally gives me gas
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
