he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
