I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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