that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
