Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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