After last night, I could never be a politician.
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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