Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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