The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Hello my rib-scented angel!
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Randomize
