i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
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