Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Randomize
