This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
