Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
