marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
