Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Randomize
