idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
wrigley field is MILF paradise
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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