I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
