drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
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Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
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