I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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