Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
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