I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
My liver just had a heart attack.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
