Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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