I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
