some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Randomize
