I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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