Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
