maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Randomize