She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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