Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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