just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
