Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
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Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
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He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
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