ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
