i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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