Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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