It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
it's like iHOP with fire
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
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