I skipped work to stalk him.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
