i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
operation harelip BJ is a go
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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