walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Dude. Going to the Theme park the day after the 4th of July was the worst idea I've ever had.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
