idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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