Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
