I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
he just fucked me for my cheese.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
