i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
so much tequila, so little girl.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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