I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
