dude i'm inner monologue high
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
