I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I'm not sure, but I think she had a tampon in when we fucked
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
